Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Gentle Reminder

My art has changed so much in the past few years! During the festive season I made this little journal, inspired by DJ Pettitt. The journal was made with lots of bits and pieces given to me by friends.

Reminding all my followers and people who read this blog, why I started this blog in the first place. My intention was to help other survivors of domestic violence, both men and women.

I received a phone call the other day from a charming, delightful and gorgeous looking woman who contacted me a year ago after hearing about my experience, she wanted to share with me her own story and she was asking for help. It has taken her a year to break off the relationship she had with her abusive boyfriend, she has met someone else, a kind caring and loving man who adores her. The problem is, that she is struggling with her feelings towards him and she asked me, why she can't appreciate everything about him.
My response to her was that she has become so used to the abuse, and her own self abuse, that she doesn't know what real love is anymore. I spent an hour on the phone with her and my suggestion was that she take the relationship slowly, not to get into any kind of physical relationship with him and to take one day at a time.

A few days later I received another call from someone else who wanted to try and get a copy of my book. This lady lives fairly near to where I live, so she asked if she could meet me for coffee and I agreed. We spoke for about an hour and her story was very familiar. I was very encouraged though because she in fact got my number from the precious person who apparently told her that if it wasn't for me, she would never have been able to end the abusive relationship with her boy friend. that is why I do what I do.

This work is really hard for me, I have moved on with my own life and 'those' years are so far behind me now that I often feel that I want to close that door, but as long as I am able to help someone else the work will continue.

Post Traumatic Stress is often the result of these relationships and for me that was the hardest part. I don't think that ever goes  away altogether but it does get easier with time. When ever I have an attack of anxiety or wake up with a night mare which still happens quite often, instead of meditating on the situation I make every effort to distract myself. I take a nice cool shower, play some really relaxing meditation type of music, look out of my window at the ocean, go for a long walk on the beach, read a book that inspires me and before I know it I am feeling fine. In the early days I spent days and sometimes weeks, fighting off the anxiety and the thoughts of all that has happened in the past.

2 comments:

Patti said...

I finished your book and I am so sorry that you had to go through this but you are an angel in disguise now. God Bless you for being there for others that need your advise.
Happy New Year Caryl

Carol said...

Dear Caryl, I've just done a huge catch up and read all about Stephan, Bella, trust, muesli, your family - such a variety of subjects but through everything you write there is that underlying love for others. It's a really beautiful thing, Caryl, and each post is a treasure for your readers.

So you're going back to Johannesburg. That's good. I wish you happiness and peace and love, and i hope 2011 will be very kind to you and your loved ones, and those you help. Love, Carol xx