Alone as alone can be. I went for an early walk along the beach with Bella and there was not a soul in sight. I cannot tell you how peaceful I feel. I am going to miss these long walks, the fresh salty breeze that comes off the sea. The time to think peaceful thoughts and be so grateful for this opportunity to withdraw from the world and heal. Going back to the past so to speak, is really scary for me. There is a possiblity that I could bump into my ex husband at every turn, something I wish I could avoid, but I can't.
A taste of heaven is any place where your soul finds peace.
I have been fortunate to travel around the world to some really exotic and beautiful destinations. There was no doubt about it, I did appreciate it at the time, but I have found pleasure and peace, less than 100 meters from my front door.
I have done so much introspection, taken responsibility for every choice that I have ever made in life. I have forgiven anyone and everyone that I can think of, for the things they have done that hurt...but there is one thing I really struggle with and possibly will do for the rest of my life and it has nothing to do with forgiveness.... and that is my ex husband does not show, or express one single sign of remorse.
Ultimately my marriage to him would never have lasted until death do us part, by natural causes, it possibly would have ended in my death though. I was one of the lucky ones. Taking personal responsibility in an abusive marriage, does not mean blaming oneself for being beaten black and blue, but we have far more power in ourselves than we believe. We are broken down, forced to listen to lies spoken to us and about us, betrayed, degraded and belittled but we do have the power to escape the hell.
1. We have to learn the truth about what LOVE is. Many victims will say... but I do really love him. It is impossible to love a man who has no respect for you. You might care about him as a person, a human being, but you cannot love a man who tries to destroy you.
2. We need to learn to love ourselves and value who we are. No one can give you self love and self respect.
3. We need to stop looking for validation from the outside world. It has to come from within.
4. We must choose life, for ourselves, for our children and our childrens children.
5. We must escape from all forms of abuse and look deeply into our own psyche to understand why we allow the abuse... and STOP it.
6. We must STOP abusing ourselves.
My ex husband said for years that I must take personal responsibilty. I thought that he mean't that I was to blame and I think he did, but had I heard that another way..... to take responsibilty for my own life, I possibly would have seen him for who he really was, understood myself more and made better choices.
This Valentine Day, my prayer for you, is that you don't look for love in all the wrong places, that you don't wait for someone to tell you they love you, but that you will look in the mirror and say I LOVE YOU, and truly mean it and then go out there and show those people in your life that you love them too.
There are some people who read my blog who are unable to leave comments, but I can see from the stats that I get many visitors from my website. This message was for you today.