I remember once when my children were small, Sunshine said to me "Mommy I love you more than I tell you', it was during my divorvce from her father. I was so shattered to hear those words. All I wanted to do was to make things right for her. I knew that she was trying to comfort me, when I couldn't comfort her.
I have often said that I love my children more than anything in the whole world, but then how could I have allowed them to experience the pain they went through.... if I loved them? Like a drug addict, or an alcoholic... I was in a blinding denial that would not let me SEE what was happening to my children. I thought that if I could make my marriage work then it would 'fix' everything, and my children and his, would be secure and happy and have all the things I wanted as a child.... but what I couldn't see, was the price I was paying and more so the price 'they' were paying.