Wednesday, June 16, 2010


I was thinking today... we all try and avoid pain of any sort. But pain is not an emotion to avoid but rather to embrace, because it is only through the experience of pain that we learn some very valuable life lessons. I am in so much pain at the moment. Fear of going backwards and fear of moving forward.
I am about to move back to Johannesburg, a city I really don't like much and never did, but my daughters and grandchildren are there and I love them dearly. My fear is that not only do I not enjoy the city but I have horrible memories of living there, that I will have to face. Pain teaches us what is good for us and what is not.
My pain has been ignored for most of my life and as a result I have done many things to mask and disguise it, but now that I have the time to 'feel' it and acknowledge it, I have the opportunity to deal with it.
No one has control over me, only those I give permission, and I have done that in the past, it is now a new phase for me, a time to be authentic and secure with who I am and what I want and those around me will have to either accept me for who I am or move along.... swiftly.
Pain has taught me so many things about life, my journey from birth to death and I am grateful if somewhat reluctant to accept all of those hard lessons.
God said - 'I have a plan and a purpose for you and that is to prosper and not harm you'. That is hard to digest sometimes when we insist on doing things our way and resist the consequences of those choices.
One thing I never do, is resist change, it comes with the willingness to move forward and do and experience something new... I am willing.

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