Goddess

I love sharing links with people who follow my blog. Since I am on the subject of healing I had to share this blog with you Healing Woman. I have always loved the idea that there is a Goddess with in all women. I am also very keen to try sculpture and would love to do my grandchildren, am I biting off too much do you think? Scroll through this blog there are some lovely things to see and read.

SLEEP DEPRIVATION

For the next few weeks I will be posting issues to deal with PTS on this site as well as the other blog ABUSE IS NO EXCUSE, link because we are coming to that time of the year when we are dealing with the issues of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. PTS can be the result of any trauma, but I am relating it to DV.

If you are struggling with insomnia please go to this website. On virtually every program that I have been watching lately, Dr. Phil, Oprah, 3 Talk, Final Justice, CI and various magazines, they are all covering Domestic Violence. It may be boring, depressing for those who have never worn those shoes, but it is far worse for those who have, or are still there. Please be patient, we are all trying our best to bring awareness to this global problem and find some solutions.

I am sharing my own experience on the other blog, please go there if you struggle with lack of sleep and nightmares.

HEALING IN MEDITATION

Many Christians are against the idea of practising Yoga. I remember many years ago being taught in my church that we are not to practice any Eastern religious practices. I don't see yoga as anything more than a wonderful form of exercise and meditation practice. The bible does speak of, 'Seek the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding'. 'Be still and know that I am God'. Every religion teaches we are to learn to be quiet and meditate.

PLEASE SUPPORT US.
Stress and depression can affect anyone, meditation and massage is a wonderful way to find healing it has been researched and proven that these practices increase cortisol, the feel good hormone.

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

For the artists who follow my blog look at the rest of Bruno Leyval's art.

I am sorry I have not been here for quite awhile. I always have to remember that this blog was started in 2007 so that I could share my recovery from Domestic Violence and perhaps help other victims.

It sure as heck has been one long tough journey.

Art has been my outlet for all my frustrations, struggles, escape, and healing and I am still not there yet. The biggest problem that I find is that professionals don't diagnose correctly. It is all well and good when people have struggles in life to say... why don't you see a therapist? I have, many of them and I am sure many other victims of violence have as well, but if you don't see the right person it can add to the fear, disappointment, PTS and ultimately healing. In my own case it has been 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.
This reminds me a lot of when I was younger and had anorexia when I was modelling. Many people commented on my weight or lack of it... you look so skinny, you look fabulous, you need to eat more, you look terrible... but no one said... I think you are anorexic. In those days, way back then... no one knew about anorexia until Karin Carpenter died and Jane Fonda admitted having Bulimia. So it wasn't as well known as it is today. I cannot blame anyone for not confronting me, I didn't think I had a problem.

Most of the time it has to get this bad before anyone will say... this is anorexia and you are going to die unless you get some help.
PTSD is much the same. People say... oh you must be so much happier on your own, at least the abuse has stopped and you don't have to live with that anymore.... but no one knows what is happening on the inside. Yes I was glad I was away from my abuser. He is not my enemy... my memory is. I thought I was doing just fine and slowly but surely I would be happy again, but I was doing all kinds of things to avoid facing the truth. I was completely broken on the inside, cracked, and bleeding profusely. No one could see that, so as long as I looked okay on the outside people around me thought I must be doing alright... not so. As long as I could keep myself busy doing my artwork 24/7, drink umpteen cups of tea, stay away from the outside world.... I would be fine... WRONG. I was setting myself up for a complete break down by denying the severity of my situation. I did try to get professional help but I don't think anyone thought I was struggling as much as I was.
When is enough enough? When is the day that it all comes crashing down, what will it take for the pain to end and healing to begin? I was constantly being told... I am so strong and brave... I wasn't... I was hanging on by my fingernails.
I am going to be journalling about PTSD on my ABUSE IS NO EXCUSE BLOG so please go over there and follow me if you need some help.

Please don't ignore them.

Amazing Artist. Teresa Posyniak

I have not been blogging for a while now, too busy dealing with some demons of my own that rear their heads every now and again. Most of the people who visit this blog come via my website, www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za, but I also have a lot of very talented artist friends around the world who occassionally pop in to leave a comment. Where ever you come from, please I need your help. Will you show your support and stand up agains DOMESTIC VIOLENCE against women and children by following this blog and leaving a comment. http://abuseisnoexcuse.blogspot.com/

For most of you, I hope this is not an experience you are familiar with, but if one looks at the statistics there is bound to be someone close to you who is in this situation and we have to continue to speak out against all forms of abuse.

The pain will ease in time.

What happens when it doesn't seem as though that is true? Last night I was awake doing art until 2.45am. I was enjoying what I was doing and I was watching several TV programs in the background, but for some reason I was anxious and I wasn't getting tired. My thoughts switched from the TV to the art work I was doing and interrupted often with thoughts of the Royal Wedding. I wondered if Kate would be asleep, or would she be tossing and turning and wake up exhausted, but then I thought maybe she would take some sort of herbal sleeping pill to guarantee at least a few hours of sleep? For the past 5 years sleep has not come easily to me and I have fallen into a pattern of staying up late trying to exhaust myself so that my sleep would be short, but deep. It doesn't work and I often toss and turn so much that I am awake again in the early hours of the morning and then can't go back to sleep.

This morning I wanted to go and spend some time with friends to watch the Royal Wedding, but I knew that it would be an emotional day for me.... weddings always are. I love them, but they always make me cry. Perhaps I still hold that fantasy that marriages are all supposed to have happy endings, or could it be that I am convinced they will be long, painful, hard and might even end in divorce... I don't know, but one thing I do know, is that I always pray sincerely for the couple to be happy. I have a peace that William and Kate will be happy and they will make their marriage work. After analysing their writing, William might not be that easy to live with, not because he isn't a wonderful, kind and sensitive man, but because the pain of the past is still very real to him.

A comment was made this morning on CNN, while the wedding was in progress, that William had made the right choice in Kate. Her parents are still married and she seems to have had a normal happy childhood. Well that is reassuring for William, but Kate cannot say the same. She will now marry into a family that most of the Royal family have been divorced and the children have all been through very similar circumstances to Princess Diana, which has left William more so than Harry, cautious and distrusting of people in general outside of his immediate family. He now possibly has some of the insecurities his mother had. Kate's writing is a lot more confident, out going, relationship orientated, which will be good for him and I think she will be fiercely protective of him, but I think she might struggle with communication with him during stressful times, because she talks emotions and he is not comfortable with that at all. I know what you are thinking... a lot of men aren't! But at the end of the day, I do think they will work things out and will be together forever. So if everyone likes a fairy tale this could be the one.

I started by saying the pain will ease in time... what happens when it doesn't. When ever I listen to a couple saying their marriage vows, I wonder what all the men are thinking when it comes to the part, honour and obey, faithful, sharing in all that they have in the future, in sickness and health, rich or poor, until DEATH? I am not a cynical person or at least I try my hardest not to be, but in my personal experience and the experience of so many of my friends, those vows apply to women and not men.

What happens when TRUST has been shattered, promises broken and one is left feeling that your life has no value to the person you fell in love with and trusted with the most valuable thing you have, your heart... how does one get over that?

My friends said:

Time heals a broken heart.
The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else !!!
You need to get out there and meet new people.
It won't be long and he will be nothing more than a distant memory.

They lied ! Five years later, yes of course I have good days, sometimes good weeks, but so far never a good month.

Attending a wedding is a reminder of all the pain, the sadness of a marriage that failed. Invitations to dinner parties isn't fun being single and driving yourself home late at night. Sleeping alone, night after night is lonely, constant nightmares is exhausting. The stabbing pain in your heart when you least expect it, is relentless. NO the pain does not ease with time.  The only thing that one can do to make life bearable is to keep as busy as possible with things to enjoy, which is why I blog, paint, spend time with family and one or two friends. I enjoy Bella who is a constant source of love and affection and she really makes me laugh. I read a lot and I am sorry to say, but I don't get enough exercise. I do believe that it is easier when you are younger. So if you are young and reading this, there is a lot more hope for you :o) I hope and pray that one day I will wake up and before I realise it... the pain will be gone. I long for that day.

In the meantime, I will continue to share all the wonderful things I am grateful for in the process of healing.